Is there a simple formula for everlasting purity, economic prosperity, and flourishing on earth? For Dr. Craig Crumpet, a tenured professor at the University of Chicago, this question can be answered with a resounding “yes”. In his storied institution he’s not the first person to propose this, but this time, he says, “I’m different, it’s different.”
Dr. Crumpet’s notion of “Ultimate, Liberated, Even Slates for Economic Opportunity” is a radical combination of novel murder, imprisonment, and castration mechanisms, performed and administered carefully by “guide males” in society. His academic nurturing at the University of Chicago contributed heavily to his simplistic, yet beautiful worldview.
“Think of it as evening the playing field,” Crumpet says, “for too long the frontier justice people of the world have been influenced by constraining mechanisms. What we’re doing is letting everyone decide for themselves where the problems are and freeing the tools needed to work on those problems”
Under this program which the New York Times labeled as “Innovative and Courageous,” people will be left to their own devices to enter into agreements regarding who gets imprisoned, castrated, and put to death, “all within a society of equals.” Government judicial interference they argue, has been bogged down for years by “bureaucratic inefficiencies,” and problematic “God judges,” which will be liberated to the people who use the system most.
“The trajectory of human history is really not as complicated as it seems” Crumpet remarks, “Long ago people had the freedom to make their own decisions about the relevant mechanisms for violence and their timely usage. These days, the creative and economic potential in those decisions is restricted by corrosive organizations.”
Dr. Jane Kurdle, a colleague and advisor to Crumpet, notes that the University of Chicago has a storied history of promoting freedom that Crumpet draws from.
“Craig’s suggestions that exceptional individuals might elect their own ‘Freedom Castrators’ and ‘Basement Prison Tzars’ draws heavily from our department’s expertise in Market Theory and Optimization of the Commons,” she says. “Our approach to selective feedback makes our research here at U of C, some of the most productive in the world."
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