DAOs or Decentralized Autonomous Organizations have provided the means for whole new entities to function all across the web3 world. By offering users voting rights proportional to their share of tokens, DAOs looked like the perfect place for a young developer and investor like me to earn some cash and build a better future.
That’s why I decided to turn my struggling single family home into a DAO who’s future earnings can be shared collectively by all token owners. Now, as the social capital and wealth of my 3 year old child increases, all of his earnings are legally converted into CRAIGCOIN on a monthly basis. If you’re a member of the CRAIGCOIN organization, you will be minted CRAIGCOINS proportionally to how active you’ve been in the CRAIGCOIN community in all the months previous.
Now, whenever I have a parenting dilemma, instead of banging my head about what to do, I’m not only incentivized, but legally obligated to consult the CRAIGCOIN community about my next action! For instance, last week my son was refusing to eat his carrot baby formula, spitting each bite back onto the tray. After describing the situation to the CRAIGCOIN DAO I received many different answers, each of which with corresponding vote totals. The winning answer, voted on by 55% of the stakeholders in the future of my child, was to suck the formula up in my own mouth, and then spit it back in his face as a form of punishment.
While certainly a curious solution, these CRAIGCOIN DAO smart contracts are set up in such a way that every member of the DAO is incentivized to act in their own interest, which is also the interest of my infant child! How cool is that! So no matter how uneasy or weird I feel about a certain parenting decision, I’m always guaranteed that it’s outcome is beneficial to the wellbeing of my child, and the wellbeing of the community.
… so long as the problem is described accurately.
Which leads me to the most exciting features of the CRAIGCOIN DAO. In order to make sure there are no miscommunications about the situations in which voter’s decisions are needed, the CRAIGCOIN smart contracts now interface with all the smart devices in my house and local community to provide knowledgeable audio snippets of dilemmas. Descriptions of the situations can be transcribed by trained language models and broadcast as soon as they occur thanks to the omnipresent ethereum-powered monitoring of my every movement.
As CRAIGCOIN grows and it’s tokens become more valuable, R&D will attach rigid exoskeletons to my wife and I so that instructions given to us by the community can be carried out as precisely as possible, eliminating the possibility of human error in a perfectly trust-less environment.
Already, investors are praising CRAIGCOIN for its disrupting potential with many calling it the single most exciting innovation of the web3 world. Not only do I no longer have to be emotionally invested in my child (a cumbersome and outdated social custom) but I am also legally free of liability should he accidentally die or become completely inept. The emotional weight lifted off of me has done wonders to my creative capacity for imagining web3 utopias all of which become more possible than the previous due to my venture clout.
My son, on the other hand (or should I say our son), has become a completely different being ever since the inception of the CRAIGCOIN DAO. His bewilderment is apparent in every waking moment, and a careful observer might say he is tinged with fear at all times. I, however, never am that careful observer - a luxury I’ve been afforded here in this glorious decentralized world. Free from menial burdens I tend to my Roblox world and masturbate furiously in the guest bathroom.
For the copycats and the dreamers hoping to innovate in similar ways, I’ll end with a piece of advice. If there’s anything I’ve learned from San Francisco the past 15 years, it’s that the easiest way to innovate and make millions of dollars is to disparage the longest lasting social institution you can find (the family) and then recklessly replace it with the newest technology available.
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